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Post by trashgrind on Nov 21, 2017 20:19:44 GMT -5
For months after work I basically sleep until the next day. I have no motivation to eat or really even listen to music. It follows me everywhere.
I'm not suicidal but what I do isn't much more than a literal corpse. I just don't know what to do. Literal years of my life have been wasted because I can't seem to pull my head out of my ass
Any other sad sacks of shit out there?
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Post by Ghosty on Nov 21, 2017 20:45:35 GMT -5
Sad sack of shit reporting in. I've struggled with depression on and off since high school; I didn't want to take meds for it because I thought I could manage, but I asked my doctor for a prescription a few weeks ago because 2017 has been the worst year of my life lol. I don't think I'm 100% alright yet, but the meds do seem to help.
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Post by Corvus on Nov 21, 2017 22:46:38 GMT -5
I'm sorry to hear that, for both of you guys. trashgrind & Ghosty let me know if you guys ever need to talk or vent anything. I don't think I was ever depressed, per say, but I was hospitalized at 17 when my parents thought I'd be a danger to myself. I fought all the doctors and refused the meds because I, to this day, don't think I was in need (just having a rough time.) That said, some of the people in the ward with me definitely opened my eyes to just how bitter the depression cycle can be. We're also in a society that isn't as caught up on the topic of mental health as it should be. I think one of the worst feelings is knowing that even when it isn't at its worst or even all that bad, it's still never all that good either. I hope you can find some happiness in fighting back. |
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Post by Liggy on Nov 22, 2017 1:14:50 GMT -5
Been struggling with depression since I was a youngin'. However I've learned to deal with it, and control it. Sounds weird, but lately I've been pretty happy. Thoughts come and go but nothing major, though some days it hits me hard and music really helps. I'm not suicidal by any means, but I do think about death a lot. I wouldn't mind dying, just not anytime soon  Honestly, I never wanted to see someone, or talk to anyone about it. Tried it, didn't like it. I know myself too well, so handling my depression is pretty easy now. I only had one "attempt" and I couldn't go through with it so I'll wait for someone/something else to end me. Depression is a shitty thing. Everyone deals with it differently, and others can barely handle it so much that they end themselves. I will say though, I do respect the ones that have ended their depression. |
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Post by schmako on Nov 22, 2017 7:03:01 GMT -5
For me I seem to go through peaks and troughs, some days feel amazing, others I just want the world to end. I just try to avoid the shit that makes me unhappy and try to do more stuff I enjoy.
I'm probably mad as shit, but don't fancy meds or therapy.. (my therapy is cycling and my meds are weed, seems to work for me!)
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Post by essien on Nov 22, 2017 17:04:26 GMT -5
Glad to see people willing to talk about this. I went through a period of depression last year and it was the worst. I've heard people describe this feeling of numbness with no motivation but for me it was like an intense negative sinking feeling which would just set in. I probably should have gone to see my doctor but I was lucky in that it went away over time. I never want to experience it again so I've been trying to follow this approach to look after my mental health since: www.mind.org.uk/workplace/mental-health-at-work/taking-care-of-yourself/five-ways-to-wellbeing/Would definitely recommend it but I know it isn't easy. I also experience anxiety which I've just been learning to manage better over the past few years. Cutting out alcohol and drugs and getting enough sleep helps a lot. |
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Post by ElderGoose on Nov 22, 2017 20:47:37 GMT -5
I wake up every day asking myself “What’s the point in doing anything if things never get better?”
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Post by satrix on Nov 23, 2017 6:06:55 GMT -5
I wake up every day asking myself “What’s the point in doing anything if things never get better?” It may feel like you're in quicksand, but eventually it will break its hold. I went through a spell in the middle of the year which is probably the closest I've gotten to depression. Put so much pressure on myself, overloaded myself, everything seemed to go wrong (even though in reality it was ok) and the kicker was I found out something that you would think have given me hope, but it shook me to the core. Didnt want to talk to anyone, just wanted to be alone. Didnt think about death, more just felt completely hopeless, isolated and like everything I've done has been a waste and I will never achieve anything. I felt trapped in life and just wanted to leave everything behind (but knew it was impossible). I managed to break it through a few things, such as life is strange (video game) which deals with the topic, getting lost in music and having friends that stand by me (so lucky). I remember driving down the great ocean road blasting the new elder and electric moon albums with a mate, it was in the middle of winter but was a clear sunny day with no one on the road. Was the first time I could remember being happy in a while. I just try to remember, no matter how bad things get, I will never have it as bad as most people in this world (the privilege of being born into a first world country), I try to look at the positives and laugh at life and myself, try to be good to others get them to feel happy with themselves, stay the fuck away from negative people and remember than life is full of ups and downs, without the downs, the ups wouldnt matter. Without death, life wouldnt matter... |
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Post by darkxempire on Nov 25, 2017 14:28:36 GMT -5
Hi all,
Glad to see people are discussing this. Depression is no joke. It can be hereditary, and almost all cases of it are somewhat unique.
I've struggled with depression for a very long time, about 11 years or so, sometimes without an issue for a long period of time, but the depression always seems to linger in the shadows waiting for a time to strike. I went to go see a therapist when I was about 16, but that didn't go very well, and I stopped going. I felt like every time I talked to someone about what I was feeling, at that age, that the immediate response was to give me medication. I hated that idea and put my foot down saying I would never take antidepressants.
Well, it never went away, and since then, I have had a few years of really bad depression, way worse than before. I was diagnosed last year with bipolar 2, clinical depression, and a generalized anxiety disorder as well. It's a very very long story, but basically I got arrested, and went to go see a doctor to check on a concussion, told him I had been feeling depressed for a long time, and he recommended that I go see a psychologist and/or psychiatrist. Reluctantly I went, but was honestly left without an option, I was suicidal especially after being arrested and not knowing if I was going to face prison time or not.
They diagnosed me with all that jazz, and recommended I take lithium and seroquel. I still take my pills because I literally have to, it's been mandated my the court and my PO that I have to continue to take my meds. I still smoke weed even though they say it can have a bad affect with the pills, it's legal here in California for medical use so they can't legally tell me I can't smoke. For me, paired with my dosage of he seroquel and lithium, I have no problems and marijuana absolutely helps keeping me calm.
BUT thats because i am bipolar. Weed is actually a depressant, like alcohol, and when marijuana leaves your system, it depresses you, so you want to smoke more to make that feeling go away, begin vicious cycle. I think too many people nowadays say "I'm depressed" when in fact they are just bummed out or upset about something. For instance, "I couldn't buy the new iphone x now I'm depressed." Not to belittle anyones situation, but depression is absolutely more than just being sad or upset. It's a constant daily struggle.
Honestly, and I absolutely hate to admit it, but, the medication has absolutely helped me out. At first, I couldn't stand taking them, I worried about becoming a zombie, I did have days in the beginning where I felt numb and impartial to everything, which is definitely the idea behind mood stabilizers, but that feeling was/is a thousand times better than waking up everyday thinking about how you would kill yourself. I hope to not take the medication forever, and once I am off probation I'm going to try to see how I react to not taking the pills.
Other things I have done to help with the depression include making long trips to see old friends, trying my hardest to work out (its so hard to get going, but once you start a little exercise your body naturally releases serotonin and a bunch of other natural feel good endorphins.) Cook a bomb ass meal. A big one for me has been to always, ALWAYS, have something planned in the near future. Something to look forward to so that every day isn't exactly the same monotonous bullshit. It can be literally anything. Get a calendar and write down upcoming shows, anything.
I'm working through my depression still, and it is a journey, but I see that light and the end of the tunnel now and that's a huge first step. Things do get better. One more piece of advice. Stop comparing your life to your friends, to the people you follow on social media etc. Most shit people want you to see, the things they post online, don't accurately reflect their lives. So don't compare your life and think "wow my life sucks compared to theirs." It's hard because it's right in your face but I always try to remind myself that my friends who act so happy online have all their own personal luggage that they hide from the world too.
Please anyone feel free to message me personally if you want to talk, about depression or about bipolar, or literally anything at all. Life is weird but we have a small community here that we should all be grateful for, please reach out if you want to shoot the shit.
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Post by Kuato2084 on Nov 25, 2017 21:53:45 GMT -5
I don't know depression but I do know being in so much emotional pain that I would rather not be alive. I've talked with my parents about it and they basically say to pretend I'm happy and to manufacture happiness forcefully. Where I don't agree it's that easy to do I get what they're trying to say. To use my willpower and not allow negative thoughts to continue. To consciously choose a positive outlook. I've talked with close friends about it as well and the best advice I've received is to look at whatever the problem is directly in its eyes. Ask yourself, "Do I need to hang on to this problem or can I let it go?". Most of the time, I hang on to pain and I've realized that's entirely my mistake. Whatever happens that hurts isn't my fault, but holding on to the pain is 100% on me. It's not easy to let go. At all. But eventually it works and freedom hits me suddenly. I've made meditation a daily requirement and it helps so much I can't even explain. I meditate 15 minutes everyday. Anytime there's a rift within me my meditation is focused on letting go. I visualize the problem leaving my body through my fingertips.
Even though I don't know what it's actually like to be depressed I would suggest trying meditation and see if it helps. I think the main goal is to try and find balance. Physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. Try to feed each part of yourself good things, inspiring things, beautiful things, things that bring pleasure. And give yourself to others. For me, whenever I'm upset about something being extra kind and helpful toward others be it people I know or strangers really helps. Also, this right here. Talking about it. Opening up is powerful.
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Post by tao on Nov 26, 2017 16:23:58 GMT -5
I wake up every day asking myself “What’s the point in doing anything if things never get better?” It may feel like you're in quicksand, but eventually it will break its hold. I went through a spell in the middle of the year which is probably the closest I've gotten to depression. Put so much pressure on myself, overloaded myself, everything seemed to go wrong (even though in reality it was ok) and the kicker was I found out something that you would think have given me hope, but it shook me to the core. Didnt want to talk to anyone, just wanted to be alone. Didnt think about death, more just felt completely hopeless, isolated and like everything I've done has been a waste and I will never achieve anything. I felt trapped in life and just wanted to leave everything behind (but knew it was impossible). I managed to break it through a few things, such as life is strange (video game) which deals with the topic, getting lost in music and having friends that stand by me (so lucky). I remember driving down the great ocean road blasting the new elder and electric moon albums with a mate, it was in the middle of winter but was a clear sunny day with no one on the road. Was the first time I could remember being happy in a while. I just try to remember, no matter how bad things get, I will never have it as bad as most people in this world (the privilege of being born into a first world country), I try to look at the positives and laugh at life and myself, try to be good to others get them to feel happy with themselves, stay the fuck away from negative people and remember than life is full of ups and downs, without the downs, the ups wouldnt matter. Without death, life wouldnt matter... ^^^^^^^^^^^^ T H I S . |
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Post by marisolmurderface on Dec 2, 2017 23:31:24 GMT -5
Depression sucks. I keep debating going to see someone about it but then I always somehow put it off or talk myself out of it.
I was doing good recently but now I'm back to pushing everyone away, crying any time I am away from people for a few minutes and having horrible mood swings...
Work is def making shit way worse and I just feel like my life is pointless.
I don't know, but I hope everyone else gets through it. This sucks and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
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piper
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Post by piper on Dec 2, 2017 23:53:48 GMT -5
Depression sucks. I keep debating going to see someone about it but then I always somehow put it off or talk myself out of it. I was doing good recently but now I'm back to pushing everyone away, crying any time I am away from people for a few minutes and having horrible mood swings... Work is def making shit way worse and I just feel like my life is pointless. I don't know, but I hope everyone else gets through it. This sucks and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. i would highly recommend it, they may even be free options available to you in your city. ive spent years dealing with depression and anxiety, and while it hasn't solved all my issues, it definitely helped alleviate the over bearing feeling i felt. Ive tried a few different meds, they help initially, but i find taking my meds once every 2 days and smoking a lil herb really helps but me in a safe headspace. wish you well mate. |
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Post by marisolmurderface on Dec 3, 2017 2:40:22 GMT -5
Depression sucks. I keep debating going to see someone about it but then I always somehow put it off or talk myself out of it. I was doing good recently but now I'm back to pushing everyone away, crying any time I am away from people for a few minutes and having horrible mood swings... Work is def making shit way worse and I just feel like my life is pointless. I don't know, but I hope everyone else gets through it. This sucks and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. i would highly recommend it, they may even be free options available to you in your city. ive spent years dealing with depression and anxiety, and while it hasn't solved all my issues, it definitely helped alleviate the over bearing feeling i felt. Ive tried a few different meds, they help initially, but i find taking my meds once every 2 days and smoking a lil herb really helps but me in a safe headspace. wish you well mate. thank you! i do have options through work, but like you i just smoke some pot, it chills me out a bit then it starts again. it sucks when you think you have control over it then the depression decides to take over and remind you that you aren't in control as you thought you were. |
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piper
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Post by piper on Dec 3, 2017 13:23:28 GMT -5
i would highly recommend it, they may even be free options available to you in your city. ive spent years dealing with depression and anxiety, and while it hasn't solved all my issues, it definitely helped alleviate the over bearing feeling i felt. Ive tried a few different meds, they help initially, but i find taking my meds once every 2 days and smoking a lil herb really helps but me in a safe headspace. wish you well mate. thank you! i do have options through work, but like you i just smoke some pot, it chills me out a bit then it starts again. it sucks when you think you have control over it then the depression decides to take over and remind you that you aren't in control as you thought you were. i can understand that feeling, i guess it helps to accept that fact. Depression isn't as simple as just being "sad", which im sure you understand. It doesn't always have triggers, and can seem unexplainable. Don't beat your self up for something that is out of your control, but make sure you capitalize on the times you don't feel depressed. I wish i knew that, perhaps i wouldn't have wasted my years from 23-25 |
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