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Post by chainbreaker on Dec 4, 2017 6:44:29 GMT -5
I've being asking myself for the past 10 years now(currently age 24), if i'm depressed, some days are worse than others. I've never been to the doctors though, anyone who knows me here, knows that I go to the hospital FAR too much to be doing anything else there (currently at just under 20 visits just this year).
I can't really pin point where it started, possibly when i got my first job (4 paper rounds at like 11 lol), it escalated into getting a proper job at around 13/14 while still at school, i think maybe i just grew up too quick, it was much more difficult back then, dealing with emotions. Now i'm just a lil sealed box.
The way I described it to my other half once is that, inside me is a big old wooden shelf with jars on it, and anytime i feel something I just put it in the jar and put it on the shelf, then I don't need to think about it or process it. Its helped me be quite an honest person.
I think i've come to the realisation that i'm probably just not a very happy person in general. Which i'm fine with, im happy with being sad? (lol).
I've got more important things to think about then whther im happy or not, does that make sense?
Going blind, i think really opened my eyes (lol x2), you know, i just dont care anymore, i'll just keep living my life, doing what i want and taking comfort in that being sad is where I wanna be.
know that i love you all and that you all have so much potential to do great things, if you ever need a internet friend, then i'm always here xxx
edit: i think "comfortable" is a better word than happy.
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Post by SHIRT on Dec 4, 2017 13:32:05 GMT -5
its weird, I never really thought about how to put it in words until I read your post, Chainy. a lot of these posts on here are very helpful. I mean you gotta realize whats up before you can do anything about it right? I'm really glad I opened this. its not that big of a problem as it use to be, or at least I tend to just set aside because "I have more important things to do" haha
when I was younger I would be sad all the time and my parents thought I was psychotic. I would act on those feelings and be super emotional and overly sensitive. now its just like you said, I put them on a shelf. this logic has really helped me out. thank you. its so hard to talk to people about this stuff for me or give them examples that make sense.
but its also gotten to the point where I don't really know who I am anymore. I don't know what I like. like I can't think of a single hobby or a band I really enjoy. I usually only listen to things I know because I know them but I just don't connect with anything anymore. idk if that has something to do with depression or just growing up. I've struggled with this since I was 24 (I'm 28 now). Ive become really introverted and anxious in public places and Its really hard for me to talk to people outside the internet. its sorta funny because I was the complete opposite of that and now Its a constant fight with social anxiety and wanting to be apart of the outside world. I've never been one to take medication but I did see a doctor once who just gave me anti anxiety meds and I've hated it for the month I took them. so I just stopped and felt I was just better without.
edit: I love the marsh and how wonderful you all are. INTERNET FRIENDS FOREVER.,
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Post by tao on Dec 4, 2017 15:08:07 GMT -5
Seeing this thread and other similar threads pop up ever since I joined has made me sad to see so many of you struggling with issues. I know it's just words and that we're all separated by distance, but please remember: you are all stronger than these problems you're fighting, never forget that you all are irreplaceable and that you have more worth than you'll ever know, and if you need someone to lend an ear and listen to you vent and blow off some steam, or need a virtual shoulder to cry on, I'm only a click away. Stay strong, Marshers!
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Post by Ghosty on Dec 4, 2017 17:14:05 GMT -5
I've being asking myself for the past 10 years now(currently age 24), if i'm depressed, some days are worse than others. I've never been to the doctors though, anyone who knows me here, knows that I go to the hospital FAR too much to be doing anything else there (currently at just under 20 visits just this year). I can't really pin point where it started, possibly when i got my first job (4 paper rounds at like 11 lol), it escalated into getting a proper job at around 13/14 while still at school, i think maybe i just grew up too quick, it was much more difficult back then, dealing with emotions. Now i'm just a lil sealed box. The way I described it to my other half once is that, inside me is a big old wooden shelf with jars on it, and anytime i feel something I just put it in the jar and put it on the shelf, then I don't need to think about it or process it. Its helped me be quite an honest person. I think i've come to the realisation that i'm probably just not a very happy person in general. Which i'm fine with, im happy with being sad? (lol). I've got more important things to think about then whther im happy or not, does that make sense? Going blind, i think really opened my eyes (lol x2), you know, i just dont care anymore, i'll just keep living my life, doing what i want and taking comfort in that being sad is where I wanna be. know that i love you all and that you all have so much potential to do great things, if you ever need a internet friend, then i'm always here xxx edit: i think "comfortable" is a better word than happy. I think that's a good way to visualize it and sounds like how I deal with it. Sometimes my jars fall off the shelf, but I pretty much always keep them to myself because I've never really felt like anyone genuinely cares about my feelings and I can deal with them on my own. I've never talked to even my family about my failed relationships or my hopeless job search (beyond my dad telling me that it's not good to not have a job for so long; thanks for the tip) or anything else that makes me depressed. The meds I've been taking don't make me feel happy, but they make me feel alright with myself and not debilitated by stress or anxiety.
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Post by Velocity on Dec 4, 2017 18:36:10 GMT -5
Depressed person checking in. Ghosty, I'm in the same boat as you, just earlier in the process. I've been seeing a therapist for a few years, but really adamantly do not want to take meds to help it. I want to beat this thing myself if I can. But, sometimes I wonder if it's worth it to fight so hard. I've been battling depression since 6th grade, when I was bullied mercilessly in school in the same year that all of my friends basically dropped me from their lives. I go through it fairly frequently, but I've also had long spells where I haven't felt depressed at all. What it comes down to, for me, is that when something bad happens, I'm instantly transported back to those feelings from 6th grade. We're working on trying to repair 'that version' of me, that has been stuck in that emotional cycle for so many years. Suicide is a thought that crosses my mind quite frequently, but I think I use it as a way to snap out of it, more as a realistic idea. Thinking about it makes me sad, and makes me sad for some of the people in my life. Sometimes it can get bad, though....where I truly don't think anyone cares anymore, and that people would be better off without me in their lives. I don't want to make it all about me, though. If you have been suffering from it and haven't spoken to anyone about it yet...I very very highly suggest giving it a go. I don't want to push anyone, but when I was at a dark/stressed place, my wife kept reminding me that it was an option. But, I had to choose to go myself. So...if you feel ready, please go speak to someone. Whether it's once a week, twice a month, or fewer...it helps. It's helped me. I'm still depressed, but it's helped me REALIZE it earlier so I don't spiral, and it's helped me become more aware of WHY I'm feeling a certain way.
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